Timing

I like to have a plan. I don't live and die by the plan, and it's okay if the plan changes . . . as long as I'm the one in charge of the changes. So far, our adoption has not been very cooperative with my plan. What was originally a 9-18 month wait (which I initially - and naively - thought began as soon as we applied to our agency instead of to our country) has turned into already being one year into it and being told that we have at least two more years to go.

Needless to say, this has drastically changed my plan. Aside from just wanting to have our future son with us as soon as possible, the more practical side of how the timing is not going according to my plan has been causing me to do a lot of worrying and fussing. I keep thinking about how much older my girls will be in two more years and that big of a gap in their ages does not line up with my plan at all! My mind has been busy trying to come up with another plan to fix the timing. Every type of thought ranging from "Maybe I should have a baby now before our adoption is complete" to "Let's look at the waiting child list" have been serious considerations in my mind as I try to fix my plan.

Last week, something changed. God spoke to me. I've heard people say that my whole life, but I've never understood or experienced it before. In the past, I've made decisions that went against everything I wanted because I knew through various other ways that it was what God wanted me to do, but I've never heard him speak to me before. I've even doubted others' stories because a part of me didn't think that kind of thing actually happened anymore. But it does happen. It did happen. It wasn't an audible voice. It wasn't a thought going through my head. I didn't see lights or fire or angels. I didn't hear harps playing or thunder booming. For lack of a better explanation, I heard the words in my soul, and I felt his peace in my heart. He was telling me to wait; to trust. There is a plan, I'm just not the one in control of it. In that split second, my fears, worries, questions, and doubts about the timing and my plan disappeared (and so far they haven't come back!).

In the days following, other things have reinforced the message that I'm supposed to wait on God's timing. The account of Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar was brought to my mind. What a perfect example of how things got messed up because people took things into their own hands instead of trusting in God's timing. On top of that, here's one of the points from today's sermon at my church: "Jesus lived with the confidence of the Father's timing in his life, and I should too."

So, here's the new plan. It's not me trying to change my plan into Plan B or Plan C; it's not my plan at all. My plan is to wait because that is God's plan. God has called us to adopt. He has made it clear that it is to be at this time in our lives and from this particular country. He knows who our son is going to be. He knows when our son will become a part of our family. For the first time in this process, I can honestly say that my plan is to wait on God's timing. Whenever it is - I know it will be right.